Self Doubt is a Poison

Seriously.  I flip flop between thinking, "what have I done??!!" and "I've got this."  Wait, let me back up and explain...

About three weeks ago, I stopped saying "some day" and sent an email.  Sounds simple but it took me months to finally do it.  Seven months and well my entire life to be exact.  I emailed a trainer for help.  Ok, now it sounds simple to me too but it really wasn't simple.  I emailed a trainer and asked for help to accomplish what most people's reactions were "really?" or "I don't want you to get hurt" or "is that a good idea?"  See I want to complete my first ultra marathon and I am not exactly what you would imagine an endurance runner to look like.  No, I am not huge or whatever but I am not the super sleek runner in those tiny shorts with the slits up the sides.  I am the type of runner that people say, "good for her" when I run by which is not bad, per say, but not exactly a dream sentiment.

Anyway, two weeks ago I sent an email.  Here it is:

 "Hi Kim, 
My name is Erica.  I am looking to complete my first 50k and I need help.  To be perfectly honest I am overweight, need to strengthen everything between my bellybutton and my knees, and I am slow.  However on the flip side, I am incredibly stubborn.  I have no doubt that I can complete the 31ish miles but I want to finish the race without fear of the time limit and with a smile on my face.  (I am looking to run the Behind the Rock 50 in Utah on March 24th.)
Currently I am on my way to reaching my 2017 goal of 10 halves in the year.  I have the Westy half on the 29th, the Backcountry Half the next weekend and the FaLaLa on Dec 9.  I find that if I am signed up for events, I am waaaay more motivated.
Anyway, this might have been way too much information but I wanted to lay it all out for you at the start.  I have never had a running coach (since high school); so, I have no idea how this really works.  After reading the website, I think either the run plan or standard 1:1 plan would be best.
Let me know your thoughts and thank you for your time."

 And that was the start of that.  I am 21 days in and I have not made it to 10 pm on a school night- I just pass out tired.  This is going to be one wild ride.  

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