I know nothing Jon Snow.

This post is half about running, half about life and all about how we have absolutely no control over anything.


Two nights ago I lay in bed for three hours before falling asleep.  What was I doing? Worrying about things I can not control. 


Running: As of a month ago the Yeti 100 was a go.  They sent out the Runners' Handbook and I got all giddy.  Three days ago the race director posted a video of the kick ass Yeti socks with the caption, "2020 Yeti Race Participant socks . If we get to race." Saying my heart sank when I read that last bit is a cliche but it's true.  It was like I was a balloon and someone deflated me. (Not even the fun kind of balloon deflation with helium and funny voices.)   It was the first time he even hinted at the possibility of having to cancel it.  Like he is trying to warn us to soften the blow.  Some runs are already a struggle and this is a big hit against motivation. I mean I will always do the plan because the race might still happen. I need to keep my eyes on my goal and not get distracted by hypotheticals no matter how possible they might turn out to be in the end.


Work Life:

I work in a school and we still do not know if we are going back in person, hybrid in person or full distance learning.  As teachers, we absolutely know that it is very important for kids to be in school.  It's the best way for most of them to learn and to socialize.  For some it is even the best way for them to get food, to be safe and to be physically active.  It's best for all of us to have normalcy and a routine. However, it is incredibly dangerous and no matter the in-person choice, it will not be normal.  I imagine "them" declaring in-person learning and in three weeks sitting in our first PD meeting looking around wondering if any of us will die or if one of our kids will die or if one of our families will die because of this decision.  No one knows for sure but you can bet your butt I was lying in bed worrying about it. 

I also worry about the price tag of ending up in the hospital even with health insurance.  I am a single income teacher trying to live in Colorado.  I don't exactly have a lot of extra money lying around as an emergency fund.

And it is super silly to admit this but here goes... I worry that I will get COVID before my race.  There, I said it.  I know. Not exactly the most logical of priorities but it is true and reminds me of Hermione in the first book when she says, "I’m going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled.”


*sigh*


There is so much more to these topics, so many what ifs, but that is all I have in me right now.





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