Running with Tonks

A blinking cursor on a blank white page.    That's how I feel right about now.  I've had a training plan for three years.  First, I worked towards my first 50k, then I moved to 50 miles and then I jumped to 100.  It was essentially my part time job.  Most of the time I loved it but even when I didn't, I at least had purpose and a reason to push through the challenging runs.  Maybe this wouldn't be so pronounced if we weren't in the middle of a pandemic.  I will never know. This is just the way it is.  So, now what?  

Finish Line Bliss Look at that face.  I was, and still am, so very happy.  I still can't believe how difficult it was.  I mean I knew going in it would be harder than anything else I had ever done but wow.  It was challenging both physically and mentally.  The finish line was a fog of happiness and pain.  My legs were so stiff, my balance was gone and my brain was about three steps behind.  I kept staring at the buckle thinking, OMG I did it!  The first post race challenge came when they brought the car around.  I was able to sit.  Ok, it was more of a flop into the seat but I got there.  They had to take my legs, as I had zero strength left in the tank, and pivot me into the car.  We propped my legs up on the dash because my legs below the knees were visibly swollen.   Lisa and Michelle walked the path back to the other car at Crew City while Kirsten drove me back to the VRBO.  As we were driving out of the park...

View from our Shake Out Run Holy Banana Pancakes! The lead up to this event was nuts.  COVID caused so many challenges.  The course changed but due to the possibility of more changes it wasn't released to us until three weeks out.  Also, finding pacers and crew willing to fly across the country during a pandemic was a huge challenge.  I was one of the lucky ones as I actually was able to get help.  Some runners had to attempt the 100 solo which I can not even fathom.   Actually flying there was super stressful.  American Airlines cut out flights.  I am very lucky I had already planned to fly out Wednesday and give myself the extra day.  Good thing I did! The changes left us on entirely full flights and long layovers.   I think the most "amusing" part of flying were the American Airlines ramps leading to the planes had markings of 6 feet apart. Of course the moment we sat down on the plane we were shoulder-to-shoulder.  Des...

If I fall asleep right now, I will get 4 hours of sleep... Yeah, those nights never work out well.  I tried to will myself to sleep with every trick there is but nothing worked.  I ended up just getting out of bed to eat my nut butter bagel.  Then thankfully fell asleep for an hour and a half.  You would think it would have been difficult to wake up considering I only had 90 minutes of sleep but nope.  When the alarm went off, my eyes popped open.  I laid there a minute listening to the rain.   Michelle and Kirsten drove me to the start.  There was an amusing incident on the way involving my fairly new headlamp, turning around and then turning around again but I will save that for another time.   I stepped out into the rain in a calm.  Felt so surreal.  How was this finally race day after all this time?!?  Last minute picture before stepping out of the car. "Every one here has worked so f*cking hard to be here....

 There is a lot to get twisted up about right now: Things look a bit different.  multiple course changes, more out-and-backs single serve everything at aide stations fewer aide stations crew restrictions, will only see them every 18 miles  saying goodbye to high fives and hugs along course smaller crew, fewer pacers anxiety about flying and breathing in recycled air no before and after parties masks at aide stations   lots of hand sanitizer (ok, this one is probably a good idea in any year) plus all the normal anxiety provokers at this point: the dreaded taper, final decisions and packing.  This 100 miler is like a Picasso painting.  It's all mixed up with hard angles and twisted perspectives but just like a Picasso, it is going to be beautiful in its own way.  The RD sent us all t-shirts with "We're All In This Together" about a month ago.  The passion for this race is impossible not to see.  No one would jump through so many hoops to m...

This post is half about running, half about life and all about how we have absolutely no control over anything. Two nights ago I lay in bed for three hours before falling asleep.  What was I doing? Worrying about things I can not control.  Running: As of a month ago the Yeti 100 was a go.  They sent out the Runners' Handbook and I got all giddy.  Three days ago the race director posted a video of the kick ass Yeti socks with the caption, "2020 Yeti Race Participant socks . If we get to race." Saying my heart sank when I read that last bit is a cliche but it's true.  It was like I was a balloon and someone deflated me. (Not even the fun kind of balloon deflation with helium and funny voices.)   It was the first time he even hinted at the possibility of having to cancel it.  Like he is trying to warn us to soften the blow.  Some runs are already a struggle and this is a big hit against motivation. I mean I will always do the plan because the race...

Bringing up the rear. Lucky Last. DFL. The Red Lantern Award. However you put it, I was the last person to cross the finish line on Saturday.  This was my first time  being chased by cutoffs and to be honest, it is NOT a good feeling.  What WAS a good feeling?  Crossing that finish line was pretty f***ing fantastic. Bears Ears Ultra 54k by Mad Moose Events. Like most industries, COVID has not been kind to the running world.  COVID reared its ugly head at the start of our usual season shutting down all of our events.  When I saw the post that Utah gave MadMoose permission (with many restrictions) to put on the inaugural Bears Ears 54k and 30k, I got super excited.  I was desperate for a real, in-person event.  I signed up almost immediately. I usually choose my big events meticulously by making comparison charts and taking my time with the decision.  Now here is the funny part.  If you know me, you know I like trail running ...